Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Photos. Sometimes Videos. Published Weekly or so.

“Take only what you need and leave the land as you found it.”
”It takes a thousand voices to tell a single story.”
”Don’t be afraid to cry. It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts.”

 

 

 

 

 

“It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand.”
”They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind.”
”We will be known forever by the tracks we leave.”
~ Native American Wisdom ~

More road, not the kind we like. Sometimes the liberty is taken away and one has to do what they need to do. With confidence I might add, even if not seeing a light at the end of this bureaucratic nightmarish tunnel. The light is there, eventually [definition: after a long time or a long delay] I will absorb it and another test of Life will be behind us while at an intersection of those unpaved roads which I will need to pick one. Such an easy task it will then be. We will adapt as we have always.

We are running along the main thoroughfares. Driving to Colorado Springs from Tucson I am finding this country so immense. This wide ribbon of black top we call Freeway. It is free for us, convenient these days as I am trying to get from point A to point B within a certain time frame, so unlike us. All is fenced up, the skies are blue dotted with the forming throughout the day clouds and a heavy man made haze weighing down as almost trying to take Mother Nature’s beauty away. The land is deserted besides a few farms at the horizon, a few dilapidated dwellings on their last breath awaiting the next storm to be put down. Little sand storms and twisters are picking up as paint brushes changing the terrain’s colors in movements of quick bursts, the cross winds are giving the tumbleweed a free ride across the road bouncing us around.

The passing is free, yet when moving on through such spaces many have dearly paid the price for this present stage. It is as seeing through such present into the past when the images of the precedent conquerors decimated and obliterated close to 100 million Native American Indians. An amazing number hard to swallow. "They" are the ones that roamed these lands freely with their own concepts of Life, cultures, spirits and presence as I can only imagine and read about their past. Nature is so beautiful and yet with such knowledge there is a bit of a somber veil. Such a price has been paid, so much blood has ran, finality.

They are now mostly away from our sights in clusters one can only see on detailed maps filled with names of Tribes, some I was not even aware of due to my own ignorance. A little square here and a little square over there where power and water and sewage does not run. Exists. The concept is nothing new. I just finished reading a book called "New York" which goes back to the days when the white man discovered Manhattan where the Natives lived, a historical fiction taking the pages all the way to today’s era. The violence fueled with greed throughout the going on centuries is only unbelievable, yet so true. I am now reading "Russka", another historical fiction, this time the story of Russia from day one to also the present and all mirrors the violent events from this land.

All this to maybe make room for the present for a bit of quieter times, or are they? I see the legacy left behind, the trash as I don’t have another word for it. I try to bypass such thoughts often, but they emerge as a transparency so real forming a backdrop of my sights and senses. They make me sad, the contrast of the human violence versus Nature’s herself so giving even if capricious at times yet never demanding anything in return only for some respect. Respect for our own sake if our thoughts are for it to last a bit longer for us to enjoy it a bit longer.

Right and left nothing is cultivated, all is left wild but the fences are up for a sense of ownership all left to decay without a footprint. Now nothing. Large nothings. The steel monsters are moving on with us pulling hundreds of also steel containers of all colors and names that have floated here from China and now going coast to coast. They go by behind the abandoned dwellings, the ones with the signs letting us know of the now absent mechanic that was on duty 24/7. The gas station some still with their pumps up and a price giving away the year everyone went on to town where the supermarket sprouted as a magnet calling in those dispersed locals. They are the modern Ghost Towns. An abandoned bus not quite taken over by the rust, torn are most of the billboards advertising what is no more.

And the slaughter was meant for all this? All is so homogenized, discarded, neglected, rejected and vacant. Was this the prize of all the fighting for a greed that could not sustain itself? A thousand thoughts are going through my mind as I try to concentrate on the road. I am here and already thousands of miles away from where good news has not yet come in. These present times say so much about Life. Few are aware of such history and maybe if so aware it is out of their mind as their own selves dominates the importance of their own well beings while driving a "chrome hummer" for a distinction wanting to attract and yet so fake as most everything else while taking on the path one think might be elevating to only impress filled with the same greed and the same missing foundations never build.

The "transparency" of most has vanished, maybe was never there to begin with. Do we know who anyone else is these days even if the technology of communication is reaching some height never attained before? Is what we mostly read or for the ones listening to broadcasts mainly lies wrapped with colorful and attractive wrappers topped with a bow standing out as never before? Is it the same for the gazillions of ride reports published on more gazillion blogs and forums? When only the staged bow is shown and written upon? I am afraid it is as I have witnessed it first hand when I discover the true and real stories. Why be so afraid to be who one is?

Landscapes, History, Friendships, Heart to Heart, all has become so rare loosing their transparency when none is seen for what it is as hidden with what one would like it to be. I cannot however give up. The pristine Valleys and Peaks are still there, true Friends still remain and the Hearts do go on beating a drum roll sweet to the ears and the senses.

Yes, the Circus “is in town”. For a smile.
Stay well, Ara and Spirit.

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Photos. Sometimes Videos. Published Weekly or so.

“Mama was my greatest Teacher, a Teacher of compassion, Love and fearlessness. If Love is sweet as a flower, then my Mother is that sweet flower of Love.”
~ Stevie Wonder ~

In route to Colorado Springs via Tucson, a beautiful, helpful and meaningful e mail came in, which I would like to share. It is one amongst hundreds of others, all which I am so thankful receiving. I often feel we live surrounded by windows sometimes a bit foggy and dirty. I also often feel it takes another to take a rag and clear up our vision of this Life we go through as such was this e mail.

"We are all here for a very limited time. We have not been here for billions and billions of years, we will not be here for trillions of years, we are the very few who got the extremely improbable and casual chance to live a life and experience this planet and the surrounding universe, as far as humanly possible. Those who connect with mother nature (as you do) have the best chance to experience this grand dimension. We are the very few among trillions of potential people (or other beings) who were never born and will never be born. Some of us are here a little longer, some less so. I think we have no other choice then to surrender (we have no power to change fate, to buy health and happiness for ourselves and our loved ones) and to thankfully embrace this opportunity, even if sometimes it seems impossible not to despair and lose courage, to find new energy and motivation to continue. I wish you that the incredible message of nature (you know very well) and your friends will help you cope with the desperation, the pain and the sorrow and find new meaning and, if possible, a little bit of joy. We just have this tiny chance, at the same time cruel and sublime. Hopefully we will manage to let the sublime prevail and to be able to say, at the end, that it was worth it to be here.

All the best.
Claudio

PS: You have Lance, he had you, you have your mother, she had you and Lance. IT WAS WORTH IT!”

Thank You Claudio. I hope to meet you some day around a campfire and let loose of our thoughts as above.

I wanted to title this entry "Held Hostage in Germany after Death", which is the true today’s reality, yet not a good Day on this Mother’s Day to envelope these moments with a somber veil. Only a short explanation.

Imagine just for a moment, just for the sake of argument and case, that you are dead, cremated, and yet you are held hostage by the Government. Your Family is awaiting your Urn. The German Government in this case. You have a great International Attorney but, as in archaic ages, as in the middle ages, your great Attorney cannot plead your case. The door is shut, the registrar’s office is as locked and the demands increase. One of them being an "Original Marriage Certificate". We are talking from 1948, Montpellier, France. One which was provided because I had found it. But of course it was not the original but a copy of the original "signed, notarized and stamped". A certified copy. Not acceptable. So the game goes on with three people now involved, all three awaiting as I am. As the days go by I think of the irony. Still separated by thousands of miles, even after Life. Poetic Justice? Not today.

 

This is not the day for such thoughts. This is the Day for the millions of others that have the good fortune to physically with their Mother celebrate the present moments. For the other millions such as I, let’s celebrate with the shiny memories, the ones that makes us smile and fuzzy. As always it is a choice, our choice. Needing to understand the fabric of Life we are with some good Friends today in Tucson. Their backyard is beautiful and what a coincidence we are here when all in bloom, when all the colors we are facing reverberates feelings yet so raw as in a pail filled with words yet not lined up and only overtaking each other. 

The waves in different strengths, sounds, forces of the moments, they break away on this shore of thoughts throughout their grieving paths, a path I must follow, speechless at times, smiling at the memories at other times, numb often from such realizations as I think of the word that has helped me throughout these past years, such word being “adapting”. We will adapt, we must. It is the wish of the departed whether my Son, my Mother or others. Their spirits never will go away as in the contrary they strengthen to I feel “test” our true Love toward them. A “Love” present more than ever. 

 

What a Journey it has been. What a Journey it will on be within the times to come. I know it will.

Till next time, stay well and for those as us, “strong”.
                                                                                Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Photos. Sometimes Videos. Published Weekly or so.

What are you waiting for?
She’s Here.
She’s a star, somewhere in the night time sky

The snow has come down on top of everything,
The town, is alive and well without you.
The lights – they peer out of the leafless trees,
And you won’t be alone, I am beside you.

True love – the stars in the sky illuminate below,
The light is the sign that love will guide you home.
The stars in the sky illuminate below,
If the world were to die, the light will guide you.

Tears spilling out across a dead end street,
Your house is a lonely box that holds you.
A star, bright and loud, is in dire need,
Of that fear – it is an empty fear inside you.

True love – the stars in the sky illuminate below,
The light is the sign that love will guide you home.
The stars in the sky illuminate below,
If the world were to die, the light will guide you.

She’s a star…

By Angels and Airwaves

I read the words written these past days and I suddenly discover between the lines so much anger. So much so I delete paragraph after paragraph. All. Putting it in writing did cure me from some of it though.
"The Oasis " these few days is channeling my present moments as I have to let them be while between the images of just a couples weeks ago and a closure yet not arrived.
I feel weak these days as more has now been taken away and I find ourselves all alone on a path once again dealing with a dark card. Life is what it is. "Deal with it" I tell myself as I have before too many of times.
We are here just for a few days as I will have to one more time leave Spirit behind and fly back to Munich for 2 weeks. I am trying to see clearly through this situation when so much is being demanded for a Certificate of Death and an Urn I cannot yet bring back. And one more time I find out today, again will have to return. I never imagined there would be such a bureaucracy struggle.

I am trying. Trying to catch up with my emotion’s vibrations throughout all the scales humanly possible. All is so intense, valleys and peaks of suddenly different colors at times wondering if it is really of a positive aspect to be here so isolated, by choice. Deep down I know it is. And yet, there is no avoidance. I know I will get stronger as I have in the past. All is so raw specially on this Sunday which was always a tradition besides weekdays to call my Mother as now only the phone rests in it’s cradle.

Spirit has been quiet. By me on some long walks without too much of a desire to run unlike when Paul and Voni were taking care of him. We are one. I try to cheer him up to maybe cheer myself up. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. He knows I love him when he puts his head under my arm or rubs his head against my leg and takes a bit sigh as I do. "It is you and I now Buddy" I tell him. Will make it through this also. "I have plans" I tell him. I make plans to take me away from the "now" when it gets a bit too heavy and burdening with an unlike weakness. "Why not?" I think. I never quite have before, making plans. They take me on a future path a bit.

Packing. Stopping. Packing again. I forget what I was doing. I loose what I was looking for. I start a new list which these days is a must as I would be lost without it. It is already a few pages long. That is a good sign as we will not be back here for quite a while. We have not been anywhere only to check the mail a couple miles away. Slippery steps. This is the reality. Munich was not while lost in the Urban brouhaha keeping the mind too busy as with a veil over it to not get too close to the images seen at the Hospital. The reel is here now. I cannot close my eyes without seeing it’s projection and wondering so naively "how can this be?". Just "how?".

Someone not too long ago blamed me for riding too much on the "axis of pain". Her words. That expression keeps coming back. How insensitive. What shoes are they the ones she is wearing? The ones which made her one day write that she cried when she sold her old used car? Priorities misplaced. Just an example. I get tired of too much criticism from a few which do not look at themselves in their own mirror. And see, really see, not just look. Go away. I try to forget, not hear or listen. I do try to find the good in many. There is. It is there. Often. They know who they are. They are the ones that at the present carry us on with their wings open as they are letting us rest on them and fly away from sometimes such an absurd reality. They are my Friends. Ones I have met, ones I have not yet sending in their own words from their kind hearts. Thank You.

Sleeping is my escape. I hear no complains from Spirit. He likes to sleep also. I read till the words get fuzzy and on I go. Away. Waking up raises the curtain too suddenly. The reel starts spinning again. Deep breaths, one moment at the time. Be strong as "The Road" is not far and another Mother awaits for us, "Mother Nature". She will heal I know as she has done before. She "is" here.

Sunday seems to be an eternity. Another long walk with Spirit while watching these two birds who have been flying around here these past days. I cannot help believing my Mother and Lance are now together watching upon us. What is the harm? The ground is soft unlike the hard urban pavement. Nature penetrates me as the wind takes away the dark spirits contained unwillingly throughout my being. The colors are not as bright but they will again soon. I forgot how strong Mother Nature’s Medicine is. More flowers I discover, never seen so many around here. I do smile at them. They are brighter suddenly and of all colors which themselves take some of the inner darkness away. I am thankful to be here if only for a few days. There is help.

How odd as all the moments of Life has brought me here. All those moments from birth to now. 65 years almost as I forget too often my own age. Swimming from the depth of an Ocean called Life encountering the unexpected challenges of the mind and soul. Just moments ago I only wanted to disappear, hole myself deep into back to those floors so dark from their depth, but I cannot as I will come to the surface and feel the waves, feel the spray and the winds moved on by the so many other true souls which surrounds us.

It is through pain we gain wisdom. "Wisdom". How well do I know it’s process as I feel so lucky to have found this stage unlike any other so foreign to too many. There is no "pity party" as someone wrote being the norm for also too many. Not an option here.
Night has descended now. The winds are cool, the stars have moved in, way up there as guarding us, watching us, sending a good feel as to not drown.

How deep is "your Ocean?"

Stay well,
               Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Photos. Published Weekly or so.

“Say not in grief, she is no more, but live in thankfulness that she was!” 

As he also, Lance was. 

I have learned so much these past years and seemingly have passed on I am told the seeds blown my way. That simple fact itself was never intentional. Now so worthy, it has become a reason I must say adding this incredible sharing aspect that has lined the path of such past times and will continue also for future times as long as I am allowed to do as such with my Buddy Spirit. I am for now still in Munich for a few more days, the many pounds of files are tucked away as the gears are now turning fueled by an amazingly complex bureaucracy toward which I will bypass it’s details as they make my head spin when I think about it.

A few more days. Some quality time with Spirit upcoming, unpacking, repacking and heading up to Colorado Springs where Spirit again will be looked after as I need to come back next month to retrieve my Mother’s remains with the hope that some much needed "official" documents will be by then ready. "Time" is my luxury I seem sometimes to forget. Maybe it is the urban environment within which I feel tension building up, a pace unknown or more ",forgotten". I can only hope the timing will be right as these round trips cannot happen again more than once.

The skies have turned to their blues this morning, the little I can see between the roofs, the chimneys and the antennas, all man made barriers cutting off the vision of a horizon I miss so much. It is a little patch I will be happy with as I suddenly so much I feel being in the driver seat of this vehicle we call "Life". It is more so now than ever as my co-pilots are gone. Spirit will fill much of the void in his own sense of affection, respect Love and devotion with his Heart of Gold he posses. I know he will as he always has since day one. It is comforting to know those times again will be present painted by, yes, the "thankfulness" of bright and Heart warming memories fueled by a much needed and present strength.

My "thankfulness" is also directed toward the so many kind words expressed by the also so many feeling part of this Journey. I can only hope to return such well articulated thoughts when in times of "others" needs as such "needs" are always present while Friendships develop and blossom. It is quite a stage to be on I must admit, a door which opened up these years past allowing us to be amongst you and vice versa. It was I always realize a decision well taken crumbling the walls which were surrounding us and letting us free on this taken road.

I roam around from window to window, from room to room in this apartment still so filled with memories and now an absent voice. Another presence with no physical hugs. This space seems to be noisier by the day. Was it quieter or was it just me? I hear the cars, the scooters, the trucks, the buses, all so well defined. I hear at night even from this third floor the sound of high heels pounding the pavement while coming and going through this block of buildings after buildings. All calms down but too soon starts over again. Tumultuous thoughts. I try to get back into my own space of the moment but I am trailing or way too ahead of myself wondering how is all this is going to affect me. For the better? for the worse? Am I going to truly find the courage to again grip on the path? Too many questions. I know they are too many which should not be asked but I cannot help it right now.

I don’t know if all of this has yet sank in. I am wondering if I should know. Maybe not as I feel neither here or there a bit too often with a chest pounding from an unknown anticipation I should so totally disregard as I know better yet unable to apply it’s concept. I need to go out and myself move this body which has too much lately been dormant. The temperatures have warmed up, a single short sleeve T shirt can only mean Spring is here as the balconies surrounding me are filling up with flowers in their pots since only cement and cold iron prevail. It is the same for the store fronts suddenly stocked up on the colors to come in their few sizes and shapes. Maybe those little frames of colors is what giving everyone some hope, a barometer of which month we are and maybe even a glimpse of their future when finally retiring into a country setting. If.

Spirit and I are so spoiled with Mother Nature I feel. A little patch of sun through a window here is enough for it’s occupant to pull up a chair, their legs over the ledge, and get some rays even if so minute while closing their eyes and maybe imagining themselves into a more exotic setting. My Soul is surviving only with the thoughts of being reunited with Spirit in a few days while back at "The Oasis" even if we have to move on and even if again I will have to leave him behind this time around for only a couple weeks. 

I finally went out last evening while still daylight as the days are also here getting much longer. I thought about eating out in this little Vietnamese Restaurant my Mother and I had been twice. I passed by it and it was crowded. I could not go in. I went on a little bit further, more Cafés and outdoor Restaurants. Again I could not bring myself to sit down and eat. There is a language barrier, yet most everyone does speak English, more or less. I felt more than ever as a stranger in a strange land. How odd I thought, me… the so called World traveler feeling so locked into my cocoon unable to merge out and mingle if only with a chair and a table. So I came back and had another sandwich as I have only cooked once since I have been here. I think I have had enough sandwiches to last me a Lifetime.

Another bad night. I fell off the bed and in stupor wondered for a moment where I was. I feel exhausted this morning but I am going to another Museum. I have to push myself if I don’t want to start reading this 5th book that is awaiting for me. There are enough Museums here to occupy years of weekends. And then on it will be Sunday. The day everything is closed. Then on Monday which will be a busy day meeting with an Attorney to retrieve some paperwork translated in English, another meeting with the Funeral Home to find out if this "International Certificate of Death" will actually be ready by the end of May. There is more, I have it all written down in my calendar which without I would be right now even more lost.

The "Deutsches Museum". It is huge, head spinning. Again a well worth visit which actually would take days if one wants to see and read it all. The ticket was good for a couple more Museums throughout town but by mid afternoon I had enough as it took me an hour in itself to find the exit. Now, looking at the map I realize I missed some displays besides the aeronautics, computers, marine, “fotos and film”, power machinery, electric power, space which I did walk through. Maybe next time.

Marine 

Machinery

Aeronautics

Into “Space”

“Fotos and Film”

And there was so much more left for another time and day…
This early “computer”, ‘Remington Brand” now fits in your smart phone and does it not counting the camera!

Stay well,
               Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Published Weekly or so.

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love."
~ Washington Irving ~

I am trying to keep it… light. I don’t know if that is the right word. Maybe "riding the wave" is a better expression, without swallowing too much water as to not drown myself. I have had to change my momentum. Monday through Friday are Business days without wasting a minute while moving along through the masses of paperwork and knocking myself not so softly against much red tape. I have a watch and a calendar these days. Checkmarks. Time to keep. Steps of different colors, up. Courage, strength and so much support from you all that carries me throughout these moments. ‘Thank You’.

It is a bit of cold exchanges. I don’t think even the departed is left in Peace and it also is truly appalling me. One kind word followed by a thousand ill fitting ones. The laws, the rules, the insurances not covering this or that. All show their ugly heads. Yet, I have been through it before. I should not be surprised. I try one day at the time to get closer to accomplishing a single task: for my Mother to truly rest in Peace. Maybe it is my dignity that is suddenly taken away as hers is also. I cannot put my finger on it. It is staring me in the face through right down to my Heart. Have the Dead become just another commodity for greed? I feel as such, the “Business World” has become the fonts of this present chapter before I return to the promising empty spaces.

Saturday again has come around and I need to escape these walls. The skies have been of this constant gray and the rains have not stopped. It is a day for a Museum as I fumble with subway and trolley maps. What I truly want to write is tumultuous and maybe a bit too vibrant for these present times. I decided the photos will speak for themselves till I sort it all out as I have one more week here before returning for a big hug with my Buddy Spirit. This too we shall overcome. It is another choice Life has taken for us. 

~ Perhaps they are not stars , but holes in the heavens allowing our loved ones to smile down on us
letting us know they are happy ~

The Museum is very well worthy of a visit with it’s new wing. It was a good decision getting a bit lost with a camera in hand.

Stay well,
               Ara and an awaiting Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Published Weekly or so.

Today, April 12th 2013, one more Star is shining in the skies. This was written the days preceding.

"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
call to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting,
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things." 
— Mary Oliver

A block away, an ancient cemetery. A space where I found peace and quiet for a couple hours reminiscing amongst the ones already in this passage of Life.

“You will have another star in the night sky to lift your eyes to, and another voice to whisper loving thoughts to your ears when you need them.”
Thank You my Friend.

I pace the apartment where once my Mother’s cheerful and loving voice and presence filled in the walls now all in between empty of only fond memories already present. Words have been scarce, the mind overflowing of thoughts in disarray on a stage unprepared and unrehearsed. It was a hard decision and an easy one all at the same time to have her Life support taken away a couple days ago. Her and I have had too many talks about the subject, a subject I always wanted to avoid, one she did not. "Hope" came to a dead end and the reality was in truthfulness not even a decision, only an aspect of Life, of taking away the sweet breaths which had given me my childhood as they were vanishing away without asking a permission.

So unprepared. How can one be while thousands of miles away only connected through a phone line trying to decipher the true reality of her well being too often hidden and tucked away as to not worry me. Another passage to feel and witness. It will be a Peaceful one, with Dignity, a painless one, for her as for myself I am trying once again to put in play my own acceptance as difficult as it may be. It seems as another circle is closing in. I was born not too far from here almost now 65 years ago. The European Culture made me who I am. The travels into the foreign countries where grand parents, uncles and aunts and cousins resided made me understood as we might look different, think on different paths, yet with respect toward such variety of Cultures we are indeed all one Heart the same.

I am tired, exhausted, or is it a numbness that is taking over trying to keep it "all" together"? One more push as there will be many throughout the days to come. I miss Spirit who is in good hands right now back in Texas. His presence is however with me as it is easy to imagine him laying at my feet, glancing at my own eyes at times for an assurance of being together as much as he knows we are. No, there is no time to be tired. There must be another word for it. Mental and physical energy is the need right now. The must have, cannot let myself down or my Mother.

The World keeps on spinning as hers has stopped. Under dark gray skies and a coolness in the air I watch everyone going on to their business of their own Lives. All of this is only part of such Life, one can accept it an emerge, one if so they choose can "not" accept it and themselves succumb into the shadows of a path destroying their own inner richness and wealth. Not an option as it wasn’t also a few years back.

The memorabilias here are everywhere. Photos of past times are hanging on every wall. Lance throughout his own years is here and there and more. My Grand Parents are watching me sometimes with a stern look, often with a smile. Some relatives I do not recognize are mixed in not saying a word. There is myself in my younger years with a grin, a mustache and curly hair. All is making me smile, taking it all in as, soon, they will be moved making room for a new tenant who will never know of this then past sanctuary as my Mother has been here for over twenty years.

I was at the Hospital by myself yesterday. My Aunt was too exhausted. So was my Uncle. It is a bit as the "blind leading the blind". She is also up in age, One eye barely seeing, the other one blind. She can barely hear, her ankles makes it difficult for her to walk from a severe past automobile accident. My Uncle does alright, yet also in not so good health, another heart of gold, our nature. A City in itself the Hospital’s main building is of 13 stories high. There she was, breathing on her own, heavily sedated for pain, no food, no oxygen, no "nothing". Her eyes opened up and even as paralyzed I believe I saw a smile from the corner of her mouth and a spark in her eyes following me as I moved in closed to her to kiss her, to stroke her hair, her neck, whispering how much I Love her and how all is going to be well.

It is the time of her passage, it is that time. There is no pain only in my Heart that cries of already so much missing her, slowly loosing my Best Friend. Who will I talk to so freely as over the Years the Mother and Son relationship made room for two Best Friends relationship with endless conversations filled with so much understanding, respect and agreements of disagreements. How beautiful it has been. And now what? 

One more day. It has been a week now. The little bit of warmth in me has vanished. I am cold in this weather, this mental state of hours going by, half awake, half asleep trying to pull the strings together to keep it all in a bundle with no loose ends. A new brain scan yesterday is not showing any changes to the worse or to the better. She must be so exhausted and the Dr’s are surprised she is still alive. I am not. We are stubborn in the Family and we don’t give up so easily. We have a meeting today as they want to present me one more time with options of times to come. The situation is irreversible and they are, the Hospital, just trying to protect themselves.

Put her back on Life support and let her lay there conscienceless, paralyzed, lifeless, or as before the same decision to let her go with the Dignity and Peace of Life she deserves. I am upset and so is my Aunt and Uncle at even the thought of such discussion.

The Medical orders remain the same. The team of Doctors find it the only path to remain on. We wait. It is quiet in this foreign land, surreal it is, hard to comprehend. The footsteps are heavy, silence prevails. We wait some more.

Stay well. Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear and Services we utilize. Published Weekly or so.

“You can’t escape Karma … It is what it is. It doesn’t judge, it’s neither good nor bad like most people think. It’s the result of all the actions, positive and negative–a constant balancing act of events–cause and effect–tit for tat–reaping and sowing–what goes around comes around … However you phrase it, it’s the same in the end.”
~ Alyson Noel ~

It is with a heavy Heart that I write this. My Mother in Munich suffered a severe massive stroke yesterday, now paralyzed, unconscious and on Life support. My Dear Mother. My Friend throughout these years always only a phone call away. Luckily for all of us as my Uncle and Aunt will join me from Belgium, it happened right outside her apartment. There is no Poetry in all of this while trying to stay afloat. Spirit is well situated and I will be in Munich for a couple weeks. Having no “living will” I am the one “they are waiting for” while my last Friend … This World is already feeling so empty, the lessons learned these past years are so difficult to put in motion. Confused, this is all I can write. What is below was already on this page and will leave it at that. How amazing that I had written such words before the dreaded phone call. How staggering that in this Desert today the dark clouds have moved in with lightning, thunder and much rain as a sign from above. Please wait for me.

I don’t hesitate spilling my Soul’s contents on these pages. They are mine, it is my channel of sounds and colors, feelings, they are who I am, they made me who I am today and it is truly a "good thing". They are the moments encountered lately with a bright sunshine and a full Moon keeping the spirits and all contents elevated as a deserved prize throughout these years of struggle, of learned lessons and emotional Journey. So aware they will never be over, yet, the peaks are enjoyed and past chapters applied to. Keeping thoughts mirrored into my Life without inscribing them in words is difficult for me even if not adventuring myself into the very personal aspect which will always remain as such out of respect for others involved on my path.

The winds have shifted. The temperatures have dropped on the outside, yet deep inside they have risen warming up my Heart and all surroundings. "Sharing" Life these days has become as a new stage, a canvas filled with hope erasing images of an old Soul and his Dog all alone with and at times against the elements. Another step up. It all feels new somehow and all at the same time so old as two Souls on a similar Journey encountering each other for over all these past years with familiar thoughts of a heightened present. Life is going on with a flow all familiar and unfamiliar blending in together creating as always hope and the fruit of a faith facing a wrapped gift willing to be so gently unwrapped.

I heard the saying the other day which made me smile "There is a lid for every jar". Could it really be true? So much has unwound which had so many doubts, even more was in total darkness, a tunnel I remember with not even a trace of daylight. There, were the beginnings of this Journey, this new lease on Life with not even a crumb of faith, the path was wide open and yet there were no directions only filled with adventures I gave ourselves subconsciously always trusting more blind than ever the steps taken, some forward and some backward. Nothing ever seems easy though as the plate fills up just when thinking it had cleared up. The Fabric of Life. The Journey, Spirit, my Friends, my Mother, I have many lids.

I reminisce often, the present can plant me here or take me back. It is an odd sensation to sometimes feel what was felt before perfectly knowing so much has changed. It is pushing North now that has renewed my energy becoming a bit stale here on this stage having so much prolonged our welcome I feel. As much as… 

Spring has arrived in Big Bend. Flowers are blossoming everywhere more than ever due to the heavy rainfalls of times past. The brown dusty carpet has changed to spotted yellows where even my steps are careful as to not disturb the delicate patterns changing by the day. More colors are protruding, a canvas slowly being painted so delicately. It is an amazing uplifting sight. The packing of our gear has started, a bit more mental and on paper than physical trying as always to keep it simple for the miles to come. The temperatures have risen these past days as this time around we are trying to get used to the heat as such will open up more spaces we can reside within. I almost feel it as being a bad habit to move on when the forecast calls for over ninety degrees.

 

“Old Ore Road”, the northern bumpier section.

Stay well, keep up the Hope.
                                          Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear and Services we utilize. Published Weekly or so.

Sometimes this Desert here blooms my own imagination taking me on a path of fiction which I put down in words as today. A rarity doing such. And then again, could be true fiction if there is such an aspect of Life.

“It was a lone tree burning on the desert. A heraldic tree that the passing storm had left afire. The solitary pilgrim drawn up before it had traveled far to be here and he knelt in the hot sand and held his numbed hands out while all about in that circle attended companies of lesser auxiliaries routed forth into the inordinate day, small owls that crouched silently and stood from foot to foot and tarantulas and solpugas and vinegarroons and the vicious mygale spiders and beaded lizards with mouths black as a chowdog’s, deadly to man, and the little desert basilisks that jet blood from their eyes and the small sandvipers like seemly gods, silent and the same, in Jeda, in Babylon. A constellation of ignited eyes that edged the ring of light all bound in a precarious truce before this torch whose brightness had set back the stars in their sockets.”
~ Cormac McCarthy ~

His feet felt and looked like parchment paper while stumbling on this ground of a dry and itself cracked Desert soil. No shade in sight, it must have been over one hundred degrees. His Dog could not jump from shadows to shadows as there were none and his eyes were imploring for a change which was not going to happen. Not till evening came and the bright Sun went over the horizon. It had been a long road, yet there was no such thing, not a trace of another having gone by only maybe years ago. Simple garbs of only a white sheet covering him, his head wrapped with the extra remains while his long gray hair flowing from a breeze not strong enough to cool, only moving hot air, his long hair was a wrap of sweat from the miles covered.

A long scar from his shoulder to his knee ran as a mock sword carried in unison. A leftover from a war never won. More than a resemblance of a Tattoo, it’s pain was deep in it’s physical and more than ever right then and there of a mental one. The cactus would catch his robe, his long cane not enough to avoid them only to help him turn around and undo the catch while his dog would stop and watch him longing for a better space. There was no water along on his quest. He had not thought about it as his outcome mattered, yet, left in the hands of his Faith as the ultimate challenge and test of Life. Of survival.

His mind and blind belief had already carried him "here". His "here" was everywhere he was as he liked such a simple concept. His awareness of his past was the only aspect he was trying to evade and so far had not been successful erasing the images and the thoughts protruding so sharply against his own present will. He never thought of himself as naive even if so by now his Dog thought as such. The past had pretty much erased his common sense. He knew it, yet never felt any discouragement. He could not. His drive was taking him forward even if only from his physical weakness he was stumbling right and left but never backwards.

Total emptiness ahead, behind, anywhere his tired eyes stood upon. There was no sparks in his thinking, only waiting. He thought. He thought about not thinking. A couple hopeful clouds and on again nothing. The sounds of his past war came back with a vengeance only to make him realize he could make it through this also as he had before when wounded with his breath while mixed in with dirt he had managed to crawl on and out from the hell Life had send him in, leaving his trace of blood as his only witness, the path to his rescue.

He had paid his dues. Dearly. His Faith of Life carried him freely this time around and yet, never thinking about his and his Dog’s possible reversed outcome throughout such barren and desolate Journey. It was more than hope that carried him. It was this indescribable force which propelled him forward. There was no turning around as his freedom was ahead even if he could not yet see it. The last drops of his water, his gold, he shared. Like vapor it vanished in small gulps for the both of them as they looked at each other this time around without a smile.

He must have fell asleep as suddenly the skies filled with a delicate layer of clouds throwing down the rich glow of a Moon almost full. Night time transformed itself into an eerie landscape filled with his rich imagination of mountain sights edged within an horizon unlike the one they have been experiencing all day. A mirage he thought. Fake hopes maybe as again his Faith came back not wanting to believe as such. They both stood up at the same time as still in unison they supported each other and started again, one more time, walking forward with a renewed strength.

It was almost as they saw better now without the glare of the daily fireball. The dim light was creating the shadows coming alive enabling them to distinct a horizon which no more seemed a mirage as the strides became longer and easier with the present night time coolness. One last effort, one last prayer, one last thought of it all as the imaginary mental reel fast forwarded from the beginning to now, one more… The belief, the acceptance, loyalty, reliance, the confidence and a deep allegiance, all brought upon him the certainty and assurance needed. He could taste his passing over, jumping over that wall that had kept him so far behind all these years. 

He brought up the now dried out flowers from his satchel he had picked throughout the past day. They still had some remain of Life as they ate on them for a bit more of renewed energy. He knew these would be their last steps before the end. Uncoordinated and stiff momentum, a bit longer, a bit further, he needed that taste, the one that put them on this awkward Journey one could only imagine without a finish line, a destination as so ill prepared how could only the mental desire encircle a blooming seed planted so long ago.

Both as shadows side by side, one more step, lighter skies and yet too dark to exchange a true glance of each other’s eyes, as suddenly the ground gave up and tumbling furiously toward what seemed an eternity of an abyss they both slipped away toward another unknown awaiting for them. A bark woke him up, water was gushing all around him, a gentle turmoil however as he turned around facing up while his body started to float. Life rushed through him as it had rushed through his Dog’s own Soul who understood so well ahead of him they had reached a deliverance. They had stumbled on the shores of the Rio Grande River, the pathway of others who will physically rescued them as however their mental rescue was succeeded and completed. An amazing feat he did not think of it as a Miracle only because he all along knew his Faith of Life would lead him toward such deliverance.

 

The Path of a wounded Warrior

All about our Gear

Solar Oven

Our Solar Oven from SunOven.com is one the greatest gear I use while here at “The Oasis”. It is so unfortunately too large to be carried on the sidecar, yet, does fine in a car or truck/SUV. Free cooking I always think. It is the opposite of complicated as placed on the ground with it’s folded out mirrors toward the Sun, moved westward on the hour to keep it’s projected shade in line and that is about it.

It might be my imagination, all tastes better when cooked with it. I am never concerned about it’s temperature [having a hanging thermometer] as, unlike conventional ovens, there are no hot spots and all cooks evenly. There is no air movement, the meal will be moist, tender and flavorful. No power usage, no burning, safe and can also be used like a crock pot if directed where the sun will be and then on walk away from it. If turned often the cooking times are just about the same as a regular oven.

I bake my bread in it, any recipe only holding back vegetables as I like them fairly uncooked. Also great gear to have throughout emergency situations, my only wish being they would make a much smaller one which we could carry with us at all times as also water can be purified with it if needed. I have read from a few who wanted to built their own, truly not worth the trouble as it is constructed exactly the way it should be including the gimbaled tray. I think everyone that has a backyard, a little piece of land, free sunshine, should have one. It would save much power and energy so available as is for free.

Stay well,
               Ara and Spirit 

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear and Services we utilize. Published Weekly or so.

“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”
~ Chief Tecumseh ~

A Lady Friend of mine asked me the other day while sitting by our fire pits having dinner, right here in this center of my own Universe I created, if I missed "cuddling…". It was the right place to ask, the right time. I knew she meant the aspect of with another Human Being as it brought up a wave of emptiness and questions and thoughts not often faced. Not often because of the stark reality of it not being present, not in her sense, having not for quite a while. It threw me off and so unlike me I could only stumble on my words and avoid her eyes while trying to end that short paragraph of the question I needed to think about it, or truly did not like my own reply, what could have been my immediate answer.

The concept caught me by surprise. Some sadness descended upon me the more I thought about it, yet my "cuddling" has been with Mother Nature these past Years, with Spirit, the beautiful spaces we encounter and share with photos, videos and some writing sometimes pertinent to such grounds we cover. Intimate and passionate, yet nothing that could compare with the instant reaction and warmth and touch of another Being. How thoughtful it would be to share as such up on Muley Point when the Moon rises and the rocks of their reds and magentas and all in between throughout daylight hours turn into purple hazes playing shadows all around their vast playground from the brilliant disc that spans the skies so slowly allowing the scenes to be taken all in.

How glorious it would be to share a stream or a lake of icy waters in the middle of summer while soaking our feet and splashing each other with some coolness so much needed throughout such times while an arm around a waist and feelings beyond it’s physical entity. What a treat it would be to ride the 60 miles of unpaved roads reaching a dead end called "Toroweap", the raw face of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon where less than a thousand visitors a year experience. All alone and yet together on the balanced cracked rocks with no barrier allowing the vision to plunge into the bottoms of one of the most grandiose sight ever. A hair raising acquaintance. A hold onto each other transmitting the feels of two people as one.The ultimate cuddle.

 

All is intimacy of the Human kind, it is cuddling with the surroundings, but again the touch of another close by mental and physical Being takes on a different level of Life. Cuddling can be within a crowd, with a look, a gesture, a certain smile, a twinkle of the eye, silent words not needing a true voice but only a perception of a wave so right and comforting. Yes, it has been a while as much as it is Human emotions much needed to balance it all while only when the players are the right ones because, they might be called "players", but it is not a game. Far from it.

To be nurtured, to be wanted, to be held, to be hugged, to be kissed and on. The warmth of our spaces are of incredible greatness. The shores of Northern California, Oregon, Washington, the Olympic Peninsula. The Oceans are beating on the beaches with a mist blowing covering all with their film of salt, the sand all wet and dry between the toes grinding their skins and yet feeling them so alive, running in and running out playing this game of staying dry from a surf amusing itself. All is so full of emotions. Will it be one set of footprints or two? Is all really cuddling when only one set of footprints is left behind so quickly washed away?

The roads, paved and unpaved, they unravel endlessly. Some are straight, some are curvy, some have hair pin turns. They provide a relationship, they are the relationship, they envelop us. The feel bounces back and forth endlessly until stopped, and it stops unlike the Human feel which would continue as even more heightened by exchanges of words and a hug and some… cuddling. Our World and Path is full and yet could be fuller as it is not the first time I have been asked that question which also entails "do you ever get lonely?". 

I have often replied such with humor. As if compared to the triangle of a Pyramid, the relationship’s top absolute triangle has to be within the ability for a Life Partner to ride a dual sport motorcycle or sidecar as we do. Only to get "there", explore, well being. Funny enough, that is only the top of a common reality needed as then on comes to live in a tent and all the peripheral activities which comes with it. The compromises we ourselves have accepted as who knows how long it would be for anyone to  understand the prize rewarded when such compromises are in effect. If ever. This Lifestyle is not for everyone. The running water and the switches for lights are missing, but so is a calendar, a clock and the Urban cement walls. 

Our light bulb is the Sun. It is on most of the time and when it is not it manages to hide behind the most beautiful painted skyscrapers. Oh! How did I get here from cuddling, to the pyramid, to riding? I think my thoughts are a bit ahead, a bit North of here, not that Big Bend is not beautiful and fulfilling but the geology of Utah, the Peaks of Colorado, the meanderings in Wyoming, the Big Skies of Montana, the back roads of Idaho, well, they call. There is room for cuddling since that question came up. Here and there. Everywhere we step on.

Maybe it is I am not afraid to cuddle up with our spaces, but maybe with the Human entity as when subjected with such a loss as I have in recent past, loosing again which contrary to my way of Life is such negative thinking unlike me, is a fear I maybe have not overcome. Loosing Life for myself is always a readiness present, it is a passage we all are going to go through, and who knows, I might just get to see Lance again and have a true cuddle with him. The closeness with another Being is so much of a different stage, a stage that has been empty now and yet, it’s door is open, wide open I know as I am on a marker of Life so well balanced and well paved. What would make it all right? So many questions again with so many blank answers. 

The fire ring warms us up. The flames are dancing, they are almost reaching us. Time will tell.

A few more Pictures from the Road

 

All about our Gear

“Goal Zero”, our Solar Power

When “Goal Zero” came up on the market a while back and were kind enough to help us out, it was a “no brainer” to say yes. With today’s technology, carrying a laptop, smart phone, SAT phone, SPOT with rechargeable batteries, cameras, rechargeable lantern and head lamps, you name it, this is what keeps us on the road with quite a sense of independence. I have not kept up with their new models, a few advances I am sure, we are still using 2 Sherpa 120’s, a 100W inverter and a 24W folding solar panel. It has been more than enough for our needs as both Sherpa’s can be coupled to be charged together or separately, or one being used while the other one is being charged with the panel or even while riding. 

The units include everything needed as far as wiring. They are all easy plug ins, I even often recharge my phone directly through the panel while the Sherpa’s are themselves coming back to full power. They are rugged, they can go through much abuse as with us, they are truly an incredible commodity while on the road or here, while taking videos, photos or writing off line when mostly without an Internet connection.

Not much else to say really about it. It is simple, ready to go, gives the power we need, they have many different designs for everyone’s needs, great phone service and website for any possible questions. Of course I cannot see us living without it anymore.

Stay Well, Healthy, Happy.
                                      Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear and Services we utilize. Published Weekly or so.

In the Real Life…

"The Glory of Friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, not the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a Friendship"
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

Within the Social Media Life…

“I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don’t want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That’s why I’m constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.”
~ Jarod Kintz ~

It is yet another morning here at "The Oasis". These will not be for that much longer. It is a bit of "luxury" I must say as Life here is easy even if some might find it difficult to not having power or running water. It has become the normal. Normal as always also having Lance’s photos laid out in front of me while having my cup of coffee and putting it all in perspective, priorities jumping as the little guys on a checkerboard. Some vanish with afterthoughts, some come back wanting to regain their certain importance . His photos can transform themselves into a resemblance of a certain reality present, they animate themselves and become real even if just for a few moments, and then on dropping me back into "this reality" of an absence so devastating. Spirit tries his best to fill in the void, the path remains lonely quite too often however. It is just a fact of Life, no one but me needs to understand as such.

On the other side of this imaginary wall separating us from what I call the "Real Life", onto the masses, Social Media I find is ever so present, and in our lives comes in waves often of different colors, the force of it never however changes. I feel myself at times so disconnected, so distant from the ones we have corresponded with, and today they are gone with the tides lost somewhere, I must say as we often are. It is kind of sad I cannot truly keep up with my correspondence as I would like to, it is however the price to pay when on the road and living such a Life. Only the ones pounding the keyboard incessantly I know will gain the entourage for some so needed for an inner ego that would truly instead like to surface versus true Friends kept at bay and nurtured with a personal feel. 

Life is to be lived as the few I have met. The couple from Europe on the road since 2000, each on their nice size 650cc motorcycle, without ever having been on the Internet, without a cell phone or a GPS for that matter. Only maps and stamps. The man a Friend told me about who rode Iceland for months without ever taking a single photo or writing about it, even less talking about it upon his return. A family bicycling throughout the States in the same fashion. Most everyone today has stopped moving on for themselves, it is only for a Tweet, a post on Facebook and a Book cover as maybe some day the nail they stepped on will get into the wounds a bit too deep and realize they truly missed as they say "the boat". True Friendships.

Just a lesson learned this winter as sometimes I ask myself the same question more in the sense "if I am keeping my balance" because Social Media "is a way" for us to stay in touch without seeking for the throne. One can get so easily caught up in that turmoil, the climbing of the numbers of "Friends" amassed by the quantity and not quality. It is disturbing I find to enter one’s Home and as such a short while later only listening to a silence broken up by the same pounding of the keys of a keyboard as the conversations stops, "that computer" calling in and taking over with a louder voice than ever. The differentiation today between a Friend or an acquaintance is a page of the past. Letters [real ones] are gone, the phone which was at one time impersonal, now personal and live, does not even ring anymore. No one has much time to speak, to hear a voice throughout the deluge of fonts imprinted on screens by the billions. But truly even worse, no one has the time to read, only skim a surface without reaching the depths of the true meanings someone has taken the time to expel. Yes, words are powerful.

I don’t know if all of this matters. I have my true Friends here with me as always teaching me a few of those lessons here and there. My sounding boards when a situation needs a solution. An anonymity they exercise throughout their own sojourn. Spirit does not know he is popular, the depth of his true Life just does not go as far and in return has the ability to enjoy the moment always so present. How about that for a Dog. There is a relationship I feel Social Media is so totally overlooking. It is the true feel of the Earth surrounding us, the one we step on, hike, ride on and even sail on, sometimes fly as then on we can observe it’s vastness and richness. It is that path from one Heart to another. Missing. It is as playing a guitar or a violin with a couple missing strings, we cannot connect, beautiful Music is absent. That fact is a certainty. We think we are but it is all so not real masked by too often only gibberish paragraphs of non sense entailing a so strong calling of the "me… me… me…" syndrome in it’s various colors. True?

This day goes on, the Sun has risen and warmed us up inside and out. I smell the dirt of this wind picking up the loose layers transforming them into a scent I am now so familiar with. Spirit is done with his clowning and running his circles while his eyes fixated on me as for approval. Yes Buddy, I approve your thoughts and gestures all while cheering me up in this arena of ours where the crowd is only myself and you are the only live player as yet I know Lance is also watching you approving all that you give me so unconditionally within this one on one relationship we have. It has been a long Journey, hasn’t it? Days and days, nights over nights as the yet the path remains endless only filled with the upcoming lessons and realizations not yet present, the ones that will surprise me, the ones staring at me and awaiting to make sense as I know they will at some point and time.

How fortunate we are to have followed such a past decision which had at the time no foundations, only while cornered taking on the escape route dipping so deeply with Mother Nature’s womb, those unknown roads as all transformed themselves into our present reality enabling us to cope within this game shuffling the cards dealt. Today it somehow feels as winter is over as the heat has risen, as only a T shirt worn all day is enough protection, as the winds so common in this Desert pick up shaking loose everything around us. Clouds are scarce these days, I look for them to break up this uniform blue sky always so endless from one horizon to the other as the sun unobstructed gives us our free power and the stars by the millions and more throughout the clear nights are my only channel of entertainment. We are getting to not know anything else even thoughout the memories of an Urban setting is still vivid as I cringe at the thought of it. So much the compromises are worth it. So much this stage puts one’s self together with no voids in between.

More time has flown by these days. Daily I am trying to clean up the slate only so we can leave here with a peaceful mind. It is more than ever a feel of another leg in this Journey, a more physical one this time around meeting the views experienced in the recent past, taking on new canvasses painted freshly with more sunrises and sunsets criss crossed with the dirt roads which await. Soon.

It is “River Road”, I called it “Blue Bonnet Road”.

All about our Gear

Cameras and Gallery, Photos and Videos storage service “Smugmug”.

Cameras and where Photos and Videos are stored have always been an important aspect of the Journey. After over 100,000 photos taken, them besides being stored on a 1TB external drive [as videos also are] they reside with what I have found the best in the Market “Smugmug”.Only the ones I truly feel are worthy of being in a Gallery are up, the other 99,999 are hidden from Public viewing. I don’t think anyhow anyone would have the time to literally go through them all.

It is a service provided to amateurs, professionals and all in between with all sorts of merchandise available. It is flawless and commercial free with more formats of Galleries available than imaginable. The reality is “it does” more than I will ever be able to use it’s full services.

A few cameras travel with us and you will find more information about them at “Lens Rental”, more information I could ever write about. The Photos above, besides the two of my new Lantern which was such a meaningful Gift yesterday, are all taken with a Canon 5D Mark II and a 16~35mm 2.8 “L” lens, the only one I am left with.

There is a new Mark III which has been out for a while now, I have been told by many Photographers the difference is truly not visible. It was important to have a camera that is weatherproof and a self-cleaning sensor, which most today have. It has, mounted at the bottom, an extra battery case and I don’t have to worry about it for quite a few days. It also does excellent videos but has no auto~focus.

I have found for food photos, close ups and tripod mounted videos such as the few Music videos I have taken, the Canon S~95 does a great job pretty much shooting in JPEG versus in RAW with the larger full frame camera. Not so good for landscapes. My Photoshop is my patience, I do use Adobe Lightroom to render them, convert them from RAW to JPEG, 20 seconds is about how long I spend at the most with each photo. It was a bit odd receiving a Photo from a reader one day a while back wanting me to look at one as he had worked on it for a month. I have come to respect such aspect and appreciate it even more when Photographers do not call it Photography but “Digital Manipulation”. Just a thought.

I use a couple Go~Pros for the videos shot from the sidecar while rolling. They are the second generation, not Hero’s or Go~Pros 3, they do the job. Maybe the new ones are sharper, again, I was told there is truly not much difference between them. One is on a solid mount and the second one is on a suction cup which hold very well, yet, for safety purposes I build a short flexible metal lanyard. It has come off it’s surface a couple times. I use “Premiere Element 11” to render the videos, a fairly simple and efficient software.  

And finally what I call “the workhorse”. It does have a decent camera which shows great photos on it’s screen but nothing valuable for these pages. Unfortunately, as this whole Journal is written on this Phone which I like very much with it’s 5.5” screen, even more being a free upgrade finally after being with Alltel/Verizon for 16 years! It is a Galaxy Note II synched through “Evernote” to my laptop which now I only need to use once a week and a big power savior since we are on solar 24/7.

Be well, Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear. Published Weekly or so.

“There’s a vastness here and I believe that the people who are born here breathe that vastness into their soul. They dream big dreams and think big thoughts, because there is nothing to hem them in.”
~ Conrad Hilton ~

The Music continues in Terlingua. Music to my ears, Music to my Soul surrounded last night with familiar faces for the Fiddler Circle at “The Boat House”. A weekly gathering of Musicians. It was my first time around and what a good time it was. As swaying to the tunes played, some food offered, conversations with others about Life and such and this space we all share I realized how much I will miss this present, and yet the "road" is calling stronger and louder than ever. The anticipated unknown awaiting daily.

I go back thinking and remembering when Texas was an “in and out” State in my mind. When the thought was always "there is nothing in Texas", till someone said I should come to Big Bend. "Big Bend?". I had to look on the map as I was not going to go to Big Bend. That was till I saw this huge green blob marked as such defining the National Park and another one being the State Park. Will try it. I had never heard of Terlingua neither. It was the first month or so of our departure. It did not take long to fall for it. Away from it all as I call it "the end of the World"! It has been our winter Oasis.

This winter is the longest we have been here. I stomp around wanting, desiring to leave, and yet having been through such an important and incredible healing time, I am not ready. The fruit of “The Oasis” have bloomed. Sometimes one has to stop wondering and let the nature of Life take it’s course, no questions asked, with the trust of it’s outcome. Letting the body rest in one space for a healing trickling down moment by moment filling so ever slowly finding the empty inner pieces of a puzzle. The image is almost complete.

Amongst Friends

Another Musical night happened yesterday, again at "The Cave" in "La Kiva", in Terlingua. A "Classical Quartet”. Beautiful sounding space, Musical privilege and some good humor to open up the one hour performance. A contemporary piece ending the “encore”. Familiar faces. A comfortable atmosphere.

Much hilarious…

The finale…

The Show…

And now running  away into the Park. Times a bit unbalanced, we must check in with “Mother Nature”. The skies are blue with no trace of a single cloud, not very conductive for photos as also mixed in with a permanent haze. It is not the intended always reason for us being on the road. Cloudy and no haze days have been of many. It is the seeking of this leveled sanctuary the Park represents for me.

“Ocotillo” site again was taken. “Terlingua Abajo #2” was the only one left with no shade and a neighbor on each side. The temperatures were soaring. Close to 100 tomorrow. I wanted to be near by Santa Helena Canyon before sunrise, for sunrise. So here we are at Cottonwood Campground. If I was going to have neighbors why not also have shade under the giant cottonwoods. Not my favorite scenario all together but with Spring Break approaching as we will soon go in hiding, one cannot be too choosy.

No boundaries here. Mental, physical, it is all a calmness one should not miss experiencing without a calendar or a clock. The sun and the stars with some Moon peaking out, all will be taken care off. Until I feel suddenly as the day goes on that the Park is" crowded" and I feel invaded. I am watching and hearing  the tourists being loud in spaces so quiet and serene in past times. Loud jokes, some profanities uncalled for amongst each other, remarks so out of place and context with their surroundings. I catch myself thinking of them unjustifiably as foreigners of this land. I feel bad with such thoughts, yet, they have brought the pollution of the city with them. I leave the canyon as I cannot handle it no more and find shade under the Cottonwoods for the both of us and read.

I start thinking how the outside world is going to feel once we leave here soon. No doubt we have taken roots. The roads will have to be the unknown ones less traveled avoiding an influx of a society so distant feeling. I know the West fairly well. It will be an added condition of the coming adventures. The years as such has taken us away from it all. We have our own stage now we travel with. A simple one yet at times hard to find. We will though.

No Fear…

I only have Javelinas visiting us tonight. I heard them before seeing them. Chumming away on the grass. Wild boar they look like and if disturbed have a bark sounding almost as a dog. They almost act domesticated. Besides the stars in their glory up in the skies they are my entertainment for the night. Spirit is already asleep, he has not woken up, no threat meaning. All has quieted down, we will be leaving in the morning, I don’t think I can take another day as such. There will be quieter times again when Spring Break is over. Soon.

You were born with potential
You were born with goodness and trust
You were born with ideals and dreams
You were born with greatness
You were born with wings
You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.
You have wings
Learn to use them, and fly.
~ Rumi ~

All about our Gear

The Kitchen!

My kitchen has shrunk this past year trying to lighten up the load and being more efficient as a few items were not needed and actually a couple more have to go. From a big tool box I am now down to this little one found at a hardware store. Yes, all fits in.

I think I will just go through the photos while I cooked dinner in Cottonwood. One cutting board which happens to fit in the tool box. It has to remain at the bottom. One knife with a sheath and with a blade as flat as possible for fast chopping as a curved blade will not work quite as well. Those knives are now available everywhere. I think I got mine at a Safeway. Keep in mind storing everything is a bit of a puzzle. I find it entertaining…

Next is a collapsible coffee filter cone. [REI]. A whip for pancakes or the crust of a one~pan Pizza and a laser cut grater which grates going both ways my piece of Parmesan cheese I always carry for some pasta.

Paper coffee filters which also are placed at the bottom of the tool box, a wood spoon stirrer, a collapsible spoon~fork and a knife sharpener. [Home Depot] 

 

My cup, coffee cup which is also a measuring cup having markings inside, mainly to make rice. Must have scissors to cut fresh herbs when available versus chopping. Also to open up those pesky packages that have a build in Ziploc, a task never possible by hand. And a garlic press, in this case it is a “Zyliss” which I have had for years. When done I just scrape off the garlic and place it in a bag folded but left open. The garlic will dry out and peel off the next day. No reason to waste water.

This complete eating tool set was the best I have ever found. One can even use it to remove the pilot on a multi fuel stove to clean it. [the Leatherman in the photo has nothing to do with it]. Strangely enough I paid $9.99 at a Hardware store in northern California. It is made by “Fury” as I see it on Amazon now for $58.49, which does not make much sense.

This is a water bottle pouch I carry my “olive oil” and “balsamic vinegar” in with 2 spill proof [sometimes] bottles wrapped with a Ziploc bag. Of course this does not fit into the tool box, the same with the Primus Pot I use which has a heat~conductive~shield making cooking much faster.

I think that is about it. Plenty sufficient to prepare any recipe found in my “One~Pan Recipe” section and more. Whether you travel by car, motorcycle, sidecar like us, it will do the job.

 

This was my dinner, a vegetarian rice with sundried tomatoes, cilantro, zucchini, sliced almonds, red peppers…

Our Photo Galleries are on Smugmug.

Stay well and Healthy.
                                 Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear. Published Weekly or so.

“No matter what happens, no matter how far you seem to be away from where you want to be, never stop believing that you will somehow make it. Have a unrelenting belief that things will work out, that the long road/trail has a purpose, that the things that you desire may not happen today, but they will happen. Persist and persevere, your desired path remains possible.”
~ Brad Gast ~

Sometimes it is the little things having an affect, and effect, to act towards one’s self. I have had this above T Shirt now for a few months won at some Photo entry from England, and truly I think never worn. But I have had it out, a bit like a rag, not that I used it as such, just a piece of clothing always laid out  or bundles up in front of me, and it is only the other day that I got the message. The message was for the both of us. Unknowingly, unconsciously, the word grew on me and I know has been a pounding directive. It is consistently the minute broadcasts of Life strengthening the path. 

A gray day outside, a sunny day in my Heart. Absorbing the silence surrounding after the so many days of "people" activities. Till it starts again. No motions today only filled with books, as I call them my Movies in fonts. And now weather change and we are ready. Specially Spirit.

Minor surgery he had on Monday. A skin growth on his leg which could have been caught on rocks or vegetation such as an unfriendly Cactus. Besides it all, it did not look good. I had to drop him off at the Veterinarian on Monday for a couple hours and the experience end up being more intense than ever imagined.

I know we are one, yet had not realized how much. Realizations as such are never present unless absence take place. I should know that fact. All choked up I had to turn around and walk away avoiding his look. Out of the room. That look, the one which always follows me incessantly. So what do I do now for two hours? Of course I am on to town as the Veterinarian was on the outskirts and I look for him as he does to me just about every 10 seconds. I think I have better peripheral vision than he does as I don’t have to turn my head. It was an empty sight. But he is not there and the present empty feeling creeps up. I tell myself it is going to be alright. It is just a couple hours and yet at the same time start thinking about a knife, well, a scalpel cutting into him. I know he will get anesthesia.

 

I park in the shade as my errands were done before I dropped him off and decide to have a cup of coffee. Something I don’t drink past noon. In the shade is my motto. No shade no park. I realize again he is not with me and it does not matter. How odd. I still look and graciously toward the situation I give up. It is warm but it does not matter. A part of me is missing as I enter the Coffee Shop. I am as lost as I am present, yet not. It is that feeling when one’s stomach drops and ties up in a knot. Come on time, let’s move it faster I think. Lost I feel, there is no fueling my forward momentum. Even the colors are dull now, the sounds of others are muted. People that know me [know us] don’t make much sense as my mind is behind still in that room where I left him. 

Spirit was then ready for a good ride.

I think I will get back early. Why not spend some time in the waiting room, maybe he will know that I am back, his nose will tell him that. I sit fidgety. Never waited with such anxiety for anything else before. I actually have, but it has been a long long time. The receptionist sees me and the words are kind, positive and good. He is doing just fine as she goes on to get him, as I hear his bell as soon as he is up somewhere in one of the back rooms. What a beautiful sound it is. It is getting louder and louder as suddenly the door opens and there is my Buddy looking at me so instantly as already his tail, that wiry tail which can hurt, is wagging as my own mental one also is. He has a big bandage on his leg, stitches which will need to be removed in two weeks, antibiotics for one week. I am trying to listen to all but I only want to hold him to let him know that all is alright. I am here for him as he always has been for me.

Steady he is and yet I can tell he is a bit out of it as I choke and hurt for him. No worries. Will take care of you. As I always do, as you also always do. He is a tough guy, and yet with a kindness I had never experienced and seen before. A Heart of Gold. A couple days have passed and already he is running around. All this is in the past as it should be. The experience remains with me as closer even more we now are. He is ready to ride a longer time, he is eager for those smells passing him by probably by the dozen a minute, maybe hundreds, who knows. Taking on "Old Marathon Rd" sounds good to me, it is a different part of Terlingua Ranch and then on into the Park. A road that was with long stretches of deep sand. Crusty needs a bit of a challenge these days.

So the challenge was not there, from beginning to end the road had just been graded. Maybe we just did not need any difficulties that day as already we had to stop to change a clogged up air filter. Done with only 240 miles on it. We have some of the finest dust here. They do not last long as I have learned to carry a spare, thinking about maybe 2 spares. They need to be washed and dried and oiled, we might not have such facilities sometimes. 

Once again, some home grown Music from the monthly get together at the “American Legion”.

Beautiful voice she has.

Life continues here as the months have passed by, this time around seemingly so fast. This winter is being of more mental miles than physical miles. There has been a lot of changes up there, right between the ears where the gears have a tendency to turn and spit out this time around such positive realizations which are uplifting this path and as much as I live in a timeless moment, I look forward to the roads laid out ahead of us. Sometimes one does not need to understand throughout the present moment the why’s, just let it flow and soon enough a landing step becomes so clear creating a know how of how to live better with a new interpretation never experienced before and regaining a connectivity absent in past times. 

This is how Life use to be.

In these times where and when so many have pulled the plug on their own with each other’s connectivity trying to emerge themselves with new titles as "King and Queen of Social Media", when driving their own nails into their coffins of Life melting away the gold that was once being present within true Friendships as there truly is nothing else of any real value, time spend so much on such Social platforms versus a line connecting with such true Friends, this path has been refreshing when the plug remains connected with the inner power that moves us through closer and not away. 

And one more.

In the meantime, I now have to go and deal with winds of gusts of up to 50 mph. Hoping my Buddy Spirit does not blow away!

All about our Gear

My “One~Pan” cooking Recipes

Yes, this is a “Cheeseburger”.
It should not be surprising that I consider my own “One~Pan” cooking recipes part of our gear, as it plays a big role in my daily Life. Could be my Armenian Heritage enjoying preparing food, feeding it to others and having placed me on my previous path as a Chef for over 40 years. The aspect has so many facets. Health, necessity, fun, and when with others, social. It gives me a sense of pride that wherever we are, whenever, I can present myself or others that join us a meal that is appealing, of a delicious taste and not out of a can or a wrapper.

 

Besides it all however, if I have one message that stands out amongst others, it is the fact that those recipes are “templates” as even within their full explanations, with their “how and why”, they do not require the need to be followed to the letter. They are guides which actually encourages substitutions for one to use their imagination and also what is available as for us stumbling on mom and pop stores or side of the road shacks selling the local fruit and produce.

One eats with their eyes first and why not spend the extra minute or two, as already all these recipes can be produced under 30 minutes, to make them appealing as your camping surrounding is, as is your home. Being “guides”, “templates”, it is the reason for now there is only about 25 of them which can be made into hundreds of different meals.

For those who would feel I should not charge the .99 cents they each are per download, which you can carry with you permanently on your phone or printed on hard copies, let me know. It is a quarter of a gallon of fuel for us, some knowledge passed on and shared, yet, if a burden, write to me and I will send them personally at no charge. What more can I offer?
I think next time I will show in details my cooking utensils which this past year has shrunk considerably into a smaller tool box less than half the size of the previous one. I call it “progress”.

Stay well,
              Ara and Spirit

Photo Galleries are available on Smugmug

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear. Published Weekly or so.

“What we forget is that at the center of it all, there waits for us a sacred emptiness, a spaciousness, a stillness that renews and lets us remember who and what we are. But we cannot go around the ache- the grief or despair or doubt or hard knowledge- that lies between us and this sacred center. We have to go through it, be with it if we are to find the vastness of the Mystery. That we so often find ourselves aching for empty time, longing for a sense of spaciousness in our lives is a testament to our deep knowledge that living with an awareness of this sacred emptiness is a necessary part of living life fully.”
~ "Oriah Mountain Dreamer" from The Dance ~

All has been revolving around this vast Space. All so positive. I know now that I have reached the doors of this vastness of the Mystery. I have the keys. It is not describable as even if it was so, few would probably understand it as the path is of a different one traveled. I have been living long with such empty times, with such spaciousness reaching slowly this awareness not so present not so long ago. It is the soft step on the ground, the touch and caressing of the rocks, the trunks, the leaves, the feel of a fire keeping us warm and cooking our food so much needed, Spirit, the Love of my true Friends replicated, my Mother, Sunsets and Sunrises and the Moos and the Stars, all in a harmony undisturbed from past chartered Life’s Oceans. It is free and yet, there is a price to pay. So minute it is now that it holds it’s door open. It is a price one cannot afford so unfortunately throughout most years. It is being just you and Nature and all else coupled with a mutual understanding.

It is soaring throughout the vastness surrounding us, feeling that wind as it is today with it’s cold hands hugging me and yet warming me up to a present unachieved earlier. It is looking up at a blue sky which suddenly transforms itself into it’s own shades of grays with a haze only blurring the vision and not the mind and the soul. The creosotes, the couple mesquite trees waving back and forth as a welcoming committee standing alone for themselves also having endured this temperamental
Desert, yet have dug their roots deep to remain who they are and even more topping themselves with a constant growth just as myself has done. 

Enchanted Violin from Michelle and guitar from Mike.

How strange it is to find one’s self suddenly so planted. I know how I got here but never knew I would arrive. Not this far. And Life goes on. There is a fervor, an anticipation as the pieces of such a giant puzzle have connected so now I can see the path so clearly. This Island in this Desert must have the cure for it all. Day after day patience and perseverance has moved me forward even if set backs have been present as I know will be again but fueled by so much more knowledge of the grasp of it all. I am so truly amazed, I am wanting to scream and share it all.

 

Quite an evening at “La Kiva”

 

 

We have not gone anywhere this week. So unlike us. Anywhere as "off the roads". The desire has been there every day, something held me back almost as savoring an incredible meal not ever wanting it to end. Maybe it was the not wanting to break up the continuous train of thoughts I had all week. I have been asked if I get bored. How can I when surrounded with such Peacefulness and also the knowledge that very soon we will be headed North and will cease stepping on these grounds for months at the time while our tent will keep on moving and set up in yet unknown spaces. This time around Utah will be first. I miss Valley of the Gods and it’s surroundings. It calls it’s invitation as it has in the past. It’s majestic Sunrises and Sunsets. It’s horizons broken up with it’s peaks. 

Another one of those afternoon on the Porch

We have however gone to Terlingua a couple times. The little town is as transformed with buzzing activities. A Play, the Farmer’s Market, Classical Music and more visitors and instruments on the Porch than ever. Everyone has a smile on their face, even the ones that have driven 10 hours or so to get here for only a couple of days. "Stay" I tell them… "Live"… Easy to say. I also met others that "thought" were passing through and now have been here for over a month. "Tomorrow" they say, "we are leaving… tomorrow". I know it will not happen for those free Spirits that have climbed a while back into their vehicles with a resemblance of a route and a not a well thought "schedule" which vanishes by the day. Makes me smile. They get it.

Treated with some of the finest Classical Music at “La Kiva” in “The Cave”.

 

All about our Gear

Our cooking stove, the Primus Ti5

One of the main ingredient in our lives. The ability to cook and I do not use wood all the time. Personally, and that is just me, I never quite understood the concept of the propane bottles sold at an exorbitant price with also the need after their short lived life to be disposed off. I have witnessed the scenario with others when extending their camping trip but, no more cooking ability. I have always used multi fuel and a must “adjustable flame” stoves. When my MSR Dragon Fly was stolen, Primus was kind enough when hearing about it to send me their top of the line Ti5. “Ti” meaning titanium, including their 1.8l pan with heat exchanger which made me so totally change my timing being of a much faster cooking. Meaning, saving even more fuel. 

 

I like it when something arrives neatly packed as it will remain as such. I really like the pouch which holds the folded stove, a small fuel bottle [I carry larger ones also for refill with a total of about near one Gallon which I can buy in one purchase], the wind screens, the maintenance tool with two extra jets and instructions, even a small tube of silicone grease. All has still remained as such.

The extra jets are for when in use with propane [yes, those little pesky bottles], gasoline/petrol, diesel and even kerosene/paraffin or aviation fuel. Very handy and a very low cost usage. It folds out easily, there is no fumbling around, it is lit in about 40 seconds and ready to go.

Unlike other stoves if hanging around the campsite for a few days, I don’t have to turn it off. Just tilt the bottle upside down as a valve shuts the flow of fuel. Very clearly marked on the bottle, I really also like that feature.

                ON

     OFF

So, it is just a stove. I yet have to find a disadvantage to it or a change of design. The video below which I made for fun including Russian Music shows the larger bottles I carry. I say “I” because Spirit’s food “CANIDAE” is ready to go. Lucky guy, no cooking required even though honestly I have much fun cooking my “One~Pan” meals which might be my next subject. 
     

Fun with the camera and a balancing act with the tripod.

I think my Calendars have seen better days. Maybe start thinking about 2014? Either way, they are still available at Lulu in two designs. All with Photography taken these past 6 or so years.

Photos on the Smugmug Galleries

Stay well,
              Ara and Spirit

 

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear. Published Weekly or so.

“Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit, and as vital to our lives as water and good bread. A civilization which destroys what little remains of the wild, the spare, the original, is cutting itself off from its origins and betraying the principle of civilization itself.”
~ Edward Abbey ~ [Desert Solitaire] 

With Capital letters it is, as someone just wrote to us. About us. “A Wonderful Life”. What to think? It is so and not so. I have come a long way to even contemplate such words. If Lance had remained amongst us this Life of ours would not exist. Not as it has been these past a bit over 6 years. It has been his “Gift”. This wealth found within me, in my Heart and Soul would not be as such present. There would not have been hundreds of pages of thoughts written, 100,000+ photos would have never been taken, thousands of miles ridden, new true Friendships would have not existed. The wealth has always been there though. I have not changed much truly. I always took pride in my Life, my Profession, such as which actually had never made me think as I had worked a single day in my Life due to the Passion I had for it. Failure, as today, was never an option. Chef Ara! Those were the days turning down as much business as taking it on as I worked mainly alone booked 2 to 3 years in advance. I took pride then on as I take pride of Now, our present Life.

The bank account was full. How ironic we now live a whole month on what was at one time a one day income. Of course as inflation catches up it is becoming a bit harder, but all and all, just shows it can be done. Fortunate I feel it is as such. The "freedom" is intense expanding itself by the day making Life actually harder when it comes to taking on a decision. Another irony. It is always the thought of consequences. They are the ones playing a role daily. And I guess I am not the only one thinking as such as this thought makes me smile, borderline a bit "laugh". When I recently cut my ties with Magazines refusing to pay what was agreed on as I now understand a pretty common aspect, teaching at Rallies, interviews and so forth, acquaintances realizing there was nothing left to suck out of our Life have disappeared. They were also thinking about their own consequences I have no doubt now. What a relief it has been taking on another step to find myself again with such freedom.

So what about this Wonderful Life? One tainted because of it’s reasons in itself being what it is today? Of course I would trade within that millisecond having my Son back, would trade my own Life without any questions what so ever. But, that cannot be done and just as I have learned about "consequences" I have also learned what "acceptance" is as the choice is mine, as that choice is present for everyone to choose the path they will ride on. Life is deep when one such as I has the time of thoughts interminable not so often broken up as today the outer visions, sights and feels have blended with a mind all in unison. Maybe that is the lesson amongst the many of past times, present ones and let’s not forget the ones to come. It is the lesson. It lies within our Heart and nowhere else.

There are no illusions of grandeur I felt so strongly as with the too many I have dealt in this recent past. There are no illusions period. Just be. Not a step backward or forward only trying to stay in synch with these present moments. The space has grown, it’s distance between it’s cliffs by the day is expending, the waves are calmer trying to grasp the true reality and not the man made fantasy so prevalent these days within the outdoor and adventure industries gone mad and over saturated. The feelings are free, it is only the ability to let them bounce back from this stage in constant change of colors, dimensions, textures and the skies painted so often by the clouds moving on so freely as maybe sending us themselves the message to follow their own tracks.

Our neighborhood for these winter times this Year.

Is it so hard to shed years of discipline? Years of a constant attention to a calendar, a watch, appointments? A certain discipline must remain though as Nature is not forgiving when on taking a wrong step. Plan B and C and further always has to be in one’s mind as the dirt tracks will not provide any helps if and when straying. But the watch and the calendar are gone for most of it’s part with only the seasons left in mind trying to follow them between the northern spaces in the spring, summer and fall, the southern ones in winter times. As now. It becomes almost as a ritual to take on such paths and yet the roads are of many in this vast country taken from East or a bit more West. A giant loop year after year.

The weather has spoiled us here this time around. We have fallen into a timeless zone more than ever. Thoughts of riding up to Northern Texas has for now vanished with yet so many roads here not ridden and experienced. We received word from our Friends that the road to what we call here "The Swimming Hole" has been open, redone actually. The same one we almost got stuck on not too long ago. This is where Terlingua Creek and Alamo de Cesario Creek intersect. I cannot post a map because it is private property. Years of sculpturing the rocks. Another magical space where we have been before, where all has remained the same as such sculptures will not change within our time and yet to my own eyes is always so different with unchanged changes.

Every step is a discovery of a new shape, a new color and formation. The thoughts of it’s time taken to smooth out such forms is of an amazing path going down the past centuries when others where present and maybe throughout their own generations witnessed the changes and the final touches as I see them today. The waters were calm, we will never be there in flash flood times but my imagination can see the reel of such mixed in with the road of waters so slowly yet violently eroding the exposed curves and crevasses which today makes this space what it is. 

All about our Gear

The Exped Multimat/Sleeping Pad/Chair combo

To start with it is important to understand that I never claim what I use on the road being the best. The market is so totally over saturated with camping products almost as generating Twitter and Facebook verbal wars as 9 out 10 weekend warriors are trying to make a buck writing product reviews so barely tested for a few hours. What I use is merely what works well while staying with manufacturers I have dealt with for the past over 20 years, often more. It is just about sharing for the ones that also would like comfort, and specially warmth outdoors in colder times, cool in hotter days. Durability, protection. Those items are not cheap, they need to last as with us they are exposed to the elements 24/7/365. That said I had been intrigued for a while now with the sleeping pad/chair combos as my own chair has seen better days and my pad was a while back stolen.

I have used Exped’s products for years and always liked their quality and the one on one telephone conversations sometimes needed to really get a better explanation of details. They have many sleeping pads. I picked the SIM Comfort 10 because of it’s comfort and also it’s R rating of 9.5, meaning it would keep me warm, besides a sleeping bag, for temperatures dropping as low as -54F. Such temps will never happen with us but I have learned to choose exceeded expectations. “SIM 10” meaning a height when inflated of 10 centimeters, versus the “SIM 7.5” which obviously also when inflated would have a thickness of 7.5 centimeters. Why not? A little bit more weight and bulk, but again, a better protection against the cold, more comfort specially since I was going to also use it as a chair.

Needless to say it has been the most comfortable and warm pad I have ever slept on. I like the fact of having two separate valves, one for inflation and obviously the other one for deflation. I throw it in the tent as soon as it is up and left alone it fills with enough air to use it as a chair. When night time comes I will use the little pump with my hands to add a bit more air, maybe 10 pump actions as I found out being inflated too much will take some of the comfort away. Morning comes, I deflate it a bit and again there is my chair for the day. The huge advantage of this combo is the fact that I can now sit "in the tent" if needed in bad weather or vestibule since it has no legs. An interesting concept since I read a lot and was not able to do as such before with my previous chair.

The Multimat was an after thought. A tarp would probably work, but the 2 mm layer of EVA foam underneath and the upside made of fast drying ripstop nylon made it of an attractive offering. And it is as only weighing 1 Oz measuring 79×39". It is now an "off shoe" zone for me and I must say it feels real good on the feet as I compare it a bit to a room with no walls. The foam by the way has held up real well even when used on rocky surfaces.

On to the sleeping pad the chair kit is added and remains without ever taking it off. I do remove the four stakes/rods when the pad is rolled up but they do stay in when used as a sleeping pad. I find it to be a smart configuration as the backing can be adjusted for different lean angles. I have found myself even falling asleep while reading, Spirit of course taking on that watch. Time to pack? The rods are removed, the pad is deflated first by itself while I pack up the tent and then on rolled and tied with two straps. It is that easy… and that comfy!

Photos Galleries are on Smugmug

2013 Calendars in both styles can be ordered through Lulu 

Stay well,
               Ara and Spirit

Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts, some Mental Therapy and some reviews of our “well seasoned” Gear. Published Weekly or so.

"Be yourself, everyone else is already taken"

"Too often people don’t factor into, a decision is our outstanding ability as humans to adapt to difficulty. The result of overcoming adversity and mastering one’s ability to triumph over environmental challenges through persistence, determination and imagination produce self-efficiency and feelings of personal power, luxury and security can never hope to provide. The harder the Journey, the greater the cultivation of the will—and mastering one thing leads to greater proficiency on how to overcome challenges in other parts of our lives as well.
In short, adaptation is the precursor to growth and seeking out difficult, uncomfortable and challenging situations accelerates development, enriches our lives and provides us with the kind of awesome memories that will sustain us until a final sleep rounds our little lives."
~ Author yet unknown as I am still searching ~

Nice and sunny a couple days ago we took off for one of my favorite loops. On to Alpine, Marfa and drop down down through Pinto Canyon to Ruidosa, hit the Bakery in Presidio, ride back "River Road" to Terlingua and finally back up North to "The Oasis". It did not happen on that particular day. Flat tire in Marfa after indulging on a Falafel sandwich at the "Food Shark". Could have been while dropping through the Canyon, could have been… What a better place than on a tucked away in a corner of a gas station. Time ran out, I don’t work fast and compounded by mounting the tire back on "out of round" after changing the tube, the slight up and down of the rear end motion out of balance only made us limp back here. I was not ready to start all over on the side of the road. That tire was already on it’s last motion, my laziness to not change it when it was due only doubled the work of it’s maintenance. 

So today is the day with all new three tires this time around, yet, realizing it was my last tube used there is a bit of an uneasy feeling. Must stop and buy some patches. The tubes have to come through the mail. I think I have patches but no glue. There is a forecast up in the skies, the grays are predominant but it is still early and this might change. We have been in worse weather, of course, a bit of a challenge is always good, it is always as adding an extra caution to the ride. "The ride"… When it comes down to it, when I see Life as this giant pyramid we all have been labeled with, "the ride" occupies it’s tip, it is the driving force of the Journey, the prescription for any ailment which could be present, mental or physical. 

It takes a while these times to get ready. So unlike grabbing the keys of a car, opening the door, sit, close , ignition and go. There are layers to put on from base to windproof to heated. Same with gloves, pants, boots to slip on, Mr. Spirit situated. All making sure we have extra water, food, batteries for cameras, SPOT, SAT Phone, GPS, all charged up. All tightly secured. It has of course become second nature. All becomes second nature on the road as the Urban Life is now of an only distant memory. Auto Pilot maybe? Possible but always double checking it all. I have paid a heavy price at times by not doing so. 

It has been a strange week, the culprit being the "riding prescription" having not been filled. Feeling that wind, arms in motion directing a throttle and a clutch in it’s proper sequences, the acceleration coming out of the curves, the sound of a throaty but not loud exhaust muffled by ear plugs as if on a different course. The skies did not clear up in parallel with was not and had not been all week a "mood" for photography. Just was not there. The "ride" was present overtaking it all making the present the non stop enjoyable and invigorating times. 

Once we left Marfa southbound on the first 32 miles of paved road leading to Pinto Canyon all changed. It is a different landscape even if similar. There were no other vehicles, actually just one and that was all the way to Presidio. Overcast it stayed almost as a sign for not a need or desire to stop and use a camera as only the video was rolling. Just a few. “Pinto Canyon” is a beautiful road specially when ridden downhill with the most incredible views portrayed non stop. The road has been maintained like never before as I so much remember the same ride a couple years ago when hitting the skid plate with just about every turn of the wheel. The Border Patrol must have been complaining.

The ride overtook us. It did. It was as wanting to go yet not riding a loop but on an endless new trace of this Journey. Must be a bit of winter blues descending upon me even if the weather is not much of a winter time as the clothing comes off in early afternoons to of course come back on when sunset passes by us. They were hard miles all day, the steering is hard with every curve coming up all feeling like a work out much needed.

The loop was closing in as we rode “River Road” from Presidio to Terlingua through Lajitas. I kept thinking if we had a tent I would have just pitched it somewhere out of sight and stayed as the gift of our surrounding was escaping with every miles when the words “the end” too suddenly materialized. The ride filled me in and at the same time emptied me making me realize this “Base Camp” I call “The Oasis” might seem to be a too permanent space for us as much as I like it and enjoy being here. I think, I know, we are packing up in a few days and confront another direction pulling me so incessantly as the freedom to roam is always so present.

There was however a Gift awaiting for us. One of the most incredible Sunset experienced.

Maybe I am a bit confused these days. Maybe this halt is throwing on a shadow on a momentum much needed, or is it has become just a way of Life with no turning around as the grass “is” greener in this pasture which never is the same with it’s forever changing colors, shapes from it’s peaks and valleys we have always rolled through. Time will tell.

A cloudy day through “Pinto Canyon” road.

All about our Gear

“The SlatGrill”

I remember seeing a photo of this Grill the first time around and absolutely knowing it’s outcome with us on the road whether used with a burner or as I do most of the time kindling turning it into charcoal so much available to us. Free cooking using the surrounding materials available.

Chris Weyandt is the responsible person for creating this simple mode of cooking, anywhere and anytime. The model he send us is the “Summit”, made of Titanium and only weighs 1.4lbs. It is a bit pricey but that is the cost for it being lightweight. The same model called the “Scout” which only weighs 3lbs is made out of stainless steel and less than half of the Summit’s cost. There are other sizes and configurations but this one is perfect for one or two people. Yes, it is simple, straightforward, there is really not much to say about it as it works real well with us.

It really is one of those one will think “how come I did not come up with this idea?”. The pouch it comes in also clips through a belt. I was thinking back with the shower, the bucket, water bottles, pretty soon my belt will be full! I actually use a backpack.

Photos Galleries are on Smugmug

2013 Calendars in both styles can be ordered through Lulu   

Stay well,
               Ara and Spirit

 

California, The Golden State, the land of glitter and dreams. It is a state that sits next to mine, yet I rarely brave the harsh desert and explore it. Most of my dearest motorcycling friends also live there when I stop and think of it yet, I see them only in Arizona, Utah and Colorado. It is time to make the change and head west. I will be accompanied by Howard, who being retired has no real reason not to go. The ride is the NorCal meet SoCal Riders but being NoCal boys we have no problem crashing this party. It is one that has been on my list of must rides for several years. 



Getting ready to leave and I am so excited about the ride ahead. Satellite Radio is a major deal when crossing the desert. That and for the first time I am using a camel-back water system to stay hydrated.


 
We head west late in the morning, but only need to ride about 400 miles to our first night stop in Lancaster CA where we will hook up with the Desert Rats and the LA crowd tomorrow morning. Nothing like 100 degree weather, a straight road, and traffic like this to make me want to trailer out there next trip. 


We soon are out of the worst heat just beyond Palm Springs and I remember why I like the high desert north of the LA metro area. We roll into Lancaster, where we agree to have dinner with Don and his wife downtown. 


After a quick off loading of gear in the hotel, we ride into downtown Lancaster where they are having a farmers market. 


 
Howard checking out the local goods


 
The veggies looked amazing


We have dinner with Don and his wife and take off back to the hotel so we are ready to ride in the am. 


After a quick breakfast at the hotel we are off to meet the peeps at the local Starbucks.


 


The usual suspects are there from the LA area along with a few new people who I meet for the first time. A note. I didn't really try and remember names this trip. My apologies but for me this trip was about riding with my mistress. I promise to be better next ride.


Don, “the Duck" is our ride captain and he wastes no time getting us the hell off the interstate and on to the back roads. As always, we spread out depending on our style. I am in the middle for the first miles getting my groove going and enjoying the open high desert scenery. 


 
This was the last section of straight road we would see for HOURS!!!! And there is something totally awesome about these massive wind turbines that I find amazing. 


After a short stop in Tehachapi, getting about 10 more riders we take off! 


The first road we come to just out of Bakersfield is full of dips, tight S corners, and amazing farmland and the start of the foothills of the Sierras with their oaks and scrub pines. I begin by sticking to the tail lights of Howard and a guy wearing Red Leathers, a half Helmet, and riding their RT's. The cobwebs quickly leave my brain and I throw myself (literally and mentally)into the riding. 


Every road is new to me, so as you go into every corner, or go over every rise, you simply don't know where you are going to turn next. Once in a while you have a nano second to look at the GPS, which is scaled to show every curve. But you can't trust it so there is still the need to have all senses on. No radio, no thoughts of work, looking at the cows on the side of the road or even thinking about how sore you may be at the end of the day. 


 
 
 
Some pictures from the riding. 



We stop in Porterville for Lunch and pick up some additional riders. 


After this break we head out North towards Fresno with even better twisities.



Our leader who I think studied theology some time in his past 


Seriously Don, you made my day with such a great ride..


 
See what I mean!!


More up downs, around. And even though Howard, Cornelius, and Jose tried to shake me, I never let them.



Taking a deserved break before the last 40 miles into Course Gold to see the group.


We got to Joe, the host's house at about 6:30 and we were whipped but with smiles on our faces. A note here. Not many people would open their home to people they don't know. Joe had over 40 people at his house for the whole weekend and it was great. He and his wife Juanita deserve a great amount of praise for taking such good care of us. Thank you.



Party HQ



Our luxurious accommodations (by Bangladeshi standards) motel the Black Hawk.


How do you describe the black hawk.
1. There is peeling Pergo floors
2. Paneling that had about 4000 stainless steel Screws in it holding up the wall between the room and the shower
No closet, but a rail with hangers from Kohl's... (I told you Larry I was a size 4 and I my jacket fit on the hanger.
5. The lady at the front desk handed me a bottle of suave shampoo for my stay....the big one you get at Costco



Note the screws in the paneling




But it would hold me for a night. Howard and I decided that we would probably not spend a second one there and head to someplace a little better. 



We make it through the night and meet the folks for breakfast.


There are about 30 people there already and all are off to do different things. My buddy Phil is not around though which is a bummer. Ed, Howard, Jose and I decide to ride to the park and check out Yosemite. 


 
Like all rides there is always at least one issue. This morning Larry and Sue are having tire problems. The crew gets to work finding and patching the leak. I heard there was more to this after we left and Sue owes me that tale.


 
Jose ready to moto. 


 
As is Ed



We take another amazing road through Ahwanee and into Mariposa before entering the Park from the West. The Flowers and views are amazing, and despite the fact that it is a free weekend, the park traffic is bearable.







The weather is perfect for riding


And snow some pictures from the park












Everywhere you look it is worthy





We hear that Glacier Point has opened up and decide to head that way. At our first turn out Phil shows up on his new S-10 Super Tenere made by Yamaha. It is a nice moto.







The background makes me look even more handsome than in real life. I didn't think that was possible. 



It is amazing 



Whats a Little Snow when you are on an adventure












I was in awe and would have love to take a week to shoot pictures there.


We ride down the mountain barely keeping up with a BMW Z3. Acutally the idiot was doing 27mph and not using the pull outs. All of us mentioned this to him several times both in english and in sign language. Alas some idiots just don' get it. 


As we get closer to Joe's house, I get the chance to ride the Yammie


 
It is more like my GT than my GS on the road. Phil has the bike set up perfectly as usual and farkled to the nines. I really enjoyed riding it, but think I better hold off getting another bike for a while. 



Upon arrival we all exchange wild exaggerated tales of the day. Here Ed is explaining how he used an improvised zip line to get his bike down from Glacier point to the Ahwanhee lodge to avoid 3 squirrels crossing the road. At least that is what I think he said....it may have been 2 squirrels and a chipmunk visiting from Reno. 



Our host grilling mushrooms. Its ok I think he has a card from the state saying he can work with Mushrooms.


About 8pm Howard and I suit up and ride about 220 miles to Tehachapi and sleep for a few hours. I get up every day early so by 5am I am already in Mojave making for home



Made it back to the barn by 11:30 and have to say it was a trip for the ages. 


Can't wait for the next one!

Those of us living in this Republic spend a great deal of time complaining about Congress, voting the same people back in more often than not and yet we know so little about how government works or what the city is really about.

I have recently gotten to spend some time working in DC with our government relations people trying to influence our Congress on some issues that are important to my company as well as I believe the good of the country.

While there, I have the opportunity to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my wife as well as explore the town with my our dearest friends Larry and Louise. It is going to be a great weekend!

We are staying at the Liaison Hotel in DC. It is a block from the Capitol and I recommend it to anyone. They really took amazing care of Laura and I. Sending up a very nice bottle of Champagne and Chocolate covered Strawberries for our anniversary.

Its Friday and we set off to see the sites. My office is right across from the Capital. I mean right there and I take the gang up to see our technology center

Think of it as a way to show people in government what products we build and how we are working on some very cool technology.


The conference Room in my office. I have no idea if that guy has any real power.

From there we head up to the penthouse area where we hold functions.


It is a great view and I am really happy I get to share it. This is the first time ever I have been able to show my wife anyplace I work.

From here we set off to see the National Gallery and explore the museums. It has been years since I got a chance to have several days to explore DC. And the weather is great!


My man checking out some of the paintings done in the first part of the 19th Century. Very Very cool stuff here.


The stories these paintings tell. You get sucked into each of them

We wandered around some more and found some painting by foreigners

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They had some pictures by this french guy.


Some Italian Guy who seems to never get the ladies to smile.

We looked at a lot more but I didn't take many pictures. Some of the things we saw were amazing, others I didn't enjoy. Picasso is beyond me I am afraid. I walked right by Samuel Morse's Picture of the Louvre only to read afterwards what it was and what it meant. It is now going to be a goal of mine to learn more about these paintings and go back and spend several days there.

From here we went over to the Air and Space Museum. It was super crowded, I felt like I was at work and I have seen these all before. I want to go to the new annex but I am not really sure I will go back to it again.

It speaks volumes that other than a quick shot I posted on Facebook, I took only one picture in the Air and Space Museum. One of Curtis' motos


We did have a grand dinner at a swank DC Steakhouse but prior to going we had a drink in the bar and it is here we discovered the "The Incumbent"

The next morning we rise early and decide to walk the mall. Friday had us log about 6miles And today we are planning to do a bit more.



The weather is amazing! Even the Birds are hitting the pool this morning.

We head out and decide to stop at the "Newseum" which Tripadvisor gives high marks.


WOW! This museum is one of those places that I am so glad we stop at. It is NOT free like the Smithsonian Museums, but worth a visit. They give you an orientation movie that explains the museum and then allow you to go off and see exhibits. We stay almost 3 hours exploring.


It is good to know that somewhere out there ALF is still Front Page Material. The Newseum puts out over 50 Front Pages every day. It is fascinating to read them in a row next to each other.

It is not until I get to the roof and look towards our Capital that I finally figure out what is really wrong with Washington.


THE CANADIANS ARE TRYING TO TAKE OVER!

Scary people...scary


The bathrooms are hilarious there as they have tiles with real life headlines that I am sure the editors would love to have another shot at.


We are in a merry mood as we leave and decide to lunch at a local hot dog stand prior to moving out and seeing more of the Mall.


It is fun to watch the people in DC.

After Lunch we begin the march down the mall






Once we got to the Lincoln Memorial, I found the trips "Album Shot"


We are a week early for the Cherry Blossum Festival in DC but the Winter has been so warm, we are seeing them in Full Bloom. It makes Louise Happy which means we all are!


The Jefferson Memorial is our final stop and we are pooped. We then head home via Cab to some great Fried Chicken. What a glorious day!

Sunday arrives and we are off again to see a few more sights concentrating today on the Natural World


Who doesn't love dinosaurs!?

My children love to think of me as an overgrown Caveman and relish the stories about the last Ice Age that my Dad and I lived through.


I don't know where they get it from


I will miss you Fluffy


I had no idea they have a Jesus Perez Exhibit going on in DC


Of course they have to bring this up....


All I want is to get my wife a little something to remember the Trip with.


We spend the last night in Georgetown.

We will be back DC. There is still so much to see and do. And a special note of thanks to Larry, Louise for joining Laura and I. Too often we go months without seeing each other, but never doubt that both Laura and I treasure every single minute we are together. In a Black and White World, I am glad I have you in our lives.
Tommy